Monday, July 14, 2014

The countdown begins...

This year, Kay and Guy will both start their first year of school. Eric and I were sitting and talking yesterday when I decided to look at my calender.

THREE. WEEKS. Three weeks, and my babies will be out of my hands for hours out of the day. Three weeks, and this house will be strangely, unusually quiet until three in the afternoon. Three weeks, to enjoy and live up every moment and to cram family activities into. It all seemed like it was too far away, like we had plenty of time, until I looked at that calender. Needless to say, I became slightly overwhelmed, and very emotional.

Certainly, my kids aren't the only kids in history to ever start school, but I cannot help but have a mini panic attack wondering if I have prepared them enough for this potentially huge transition in their lives...and mine. Did I teach them enough? Sure, they know the alphabet, they know a few sight words, they can count, they know their names. But, when it comes to life skills like making friends, and paying attention to surroundings, taking care of themselves at lunchtime (opening milk, or food wrapped in plastic). Up until this point, that was what I was there for. So we have been working on those things little by little. We are also working on memorizing our address and my phone number, they already know my and Eric's names.

I can't help but feel guilty because I know for certain that they won't be 100% mentally prepared, although they are looking forward to going to school. I feel guilty because I decided not to go the homeschooling route. I also feel guilty because I never had any one-on-one time with Guy like I did with Kay for 11 months before he made his grand appearance. Even though Pre-K isn't required for him, Eric and I agreed that it would be best for the two of them to start together. That way, I could enroll in online courses or jump back into the working world, whatever I need to do to better my and our family's well being. Going back to work seems absolutely terrifying after going off the grid 5 years ago, but that's a whole other blog post I suppose.

I shopped for school supplies in spurts. The first round was while I was grocery shopping, and I nearly had a cry-fest right in the middle of Kroger, all for reasons listed above. The second round, I decided to include the kids hoping it would excite them by letting them pick out the colors of their various supplies. And it helped me too. It made me happy to see the excitement in their faces, knowing that my kids were happy, healthy, quick witted, and not deprived of love and nurturing. I can't do this with fear or guilt in my heart, I have to have hope and excitement. And, in turn, I hope it will bless my kids with a strong desire to learn, imagine, and to have great ambitions.

And to think, I worried that I didn't teach them enough, when in fact they taught me a little lesson on life.

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